I just came back from a weekend in a small town outside of Amsterdam. Two of my friends live there, in a cosy apartment. The couches are comfortable, the kitchen warm, and food plentiful.
I am amazed at my two friends. They are so happy together! They glow with joy; they are always smiling. They practice what is so simple yet so fundamental for a healthy relationship – appreciation for one another.
When I arrived, she had not yet come back from her week away. He too had gone home to visit family. He was busy preparing for her arrival – baking snacks, wrapping presents, buying her flowers. He took a train out of town and met her at the airport. They walked back, hand in hand, smiling, laughing, joking as they entered the door.
I watched as he showered her with presents. A engraved pen to celebrate her new job, a small mirror, a manicure set, a set of pajamas from his sister. She squealed with delight as she opened each gift, kissing and hugging him to thank him, again and again.
They told me stories of each other – how she loves to eat unagi (close to a religious experience), how he struggles to leave dishes in the sink, how they rode a bike one day with her perched precariously behind him as they rushed to catch a train. She bought him a Murakami diary for his birthday, he brought her a Timmy toy from London, from the Shaun the Sheep series. He loves to cook, she loves to eat. He rubs her back, she almost purrs.
My friends have learnt the simple art of appreciating one another. Not only this, they express it in ways that both understand. And they delight, really take pleasure, in making each other smile.
When I watch them, I marvel at how easy it is to be happy. They like each other, and they express it again and again. They surprise each other with gifts, for no good reason. They notice quirks, tease each other endlessly, and show their love in small, everyday ways.
I come away from that weekend refreshed. I see again that the good things in life are really simple. I realise the importance of letting go old wounds and underlying grievances; of waking up each day with a new measure of thankfulness for the people in our lives. There are so many ways in which we can tell them they are special to us – gifts, words, time, service, intimacy, physical touch.
This is what I am reminded of this weekend in a small town outside of Amsterdam – how to appreciate the people I love. Gratitude, spilling over, makes our hearts rich and our lives meaningful.
